Hi. My new obsession. Hot on the heels of singer-songerwriters like James Blunt + James Morrison, I now present you Jamie Scott. Think Jeff Buckley-meets-Stevie Wonder. Whatever the case is, his new single "When will I see your face again" is totallyyyyyyyyy awesomeeeeeeeee.

I've decided that I'm GOING. I'm GOING TO WRITE. I'm GOING TO WRITE a BOOK. Whether people decide to read it is beyond me, but I am GOINNGGGG TO WRITE A FRIGGIN BOOOOOK. Whether it gets published and SOLD really is beyond me too except thats not really what I care about anyway.

And. I WANT TO BANG MY HEAD OPENNNN. OH. MYSHA8C9489ARU8DSAUC4OAR. HOEFWLAUC84EARU VRADZD.D9292111!!*!#*#!&!&!&!&&!#^!&@*&!^@&!^(^#$">VRADZD.D9292111!!*!#*#!&!&!&!&&!#^!&@*&!^@&!^(^#$!(*@(*&*#^~!_^@)^(!^#(!@^#)!*^#)*!^(@^!&(!&(^@#(&!^@(&:#!^@*%&%">#!^@*%&%()#.

Today, I've discovered something else.
I dont like awkwardness in conversation. Body movements are smaller shown; pauses in word are taken more acutely and attentively.  I'm scared of when voices will stop and I'm frantic about abruptly and forcefully making it a destination unapproachable & unreachable. I hate the feeling.

I cant sleep. I've had at least 5 cups of tea tonight and I'm not feeling so greattttt. ):

Just felt like dropping an entry before shuffling myself in between my sheets.

Lately I've come to the realization that I'm not cool. I hang out with certain people that I think really are cool. They like the right music and wear the right clothes and they're nice to everyone. Those people are 'cool' to most people. I spent a lot of time with some kids a few weekends ago and I realised that I'm not cool at all.enough. I read too much. I'm being 'emo' at most of the times. I dont like rap. Or shows like desperate housewifes. I'm not a good eighteen year old. I'm just not cool (enough). But I dont think I care. Because if God is real then thats the best news I've ever heard and whether I'm cool or cute or funny really doesn't matter at all. Because God is real. and I'm fine. Haahahahaha. (i'm just being optimistic, thats all : D)

Hello, oh faithful October the 1st. May you be the start of whimsical beginnings all over again. Oh and HAPPY CHILDREN'S DAY.

Last week was well-spent. Apart from the heatwaves that my country has been going through lately, its all nice and sweet. However, it rained quited heavily on thursday and friday, which, the bbq@eastcoast mood was deeply affected. I had fun. I drank like tonnes of fruit punch and whatnot. Sat and sun were really good. I actually woke my mom at 6am and asked her to drive me to the old upper thomson rd and then I ran/jogged for like 2 hours and called her to pick me up and then to breakfast. Both the days. Its really healthy. And then in the afternoon, the whole time was spent by watching 4 DVD films straight with some chips and coke followed by dinner and then online and then watch channel 16.

Today I woke up at 230pm with a really bad headache. I think I havent had enough sleep these days cos I've been sleepy mostly the earliest at 4am. And I'm used to having a bowl of cocoa puffs with LF milk everynight. Thats the extent of it. I went online and downloaded a series of SpongeBob themes on my PC for my SE cellphone and every theme it comes with a ringtone how cuteeee! Then, I took up some time to read up the books/novels I've borrowed from the library. I even attempted to take my bunny rabbit for an evening walk cos it seemed so lonely but I was too afraid it might attack me. Now, its 0339 and I'm still watching Scary Movie 3.

Anyway, I had my fringe cut short again beacuse I wanted a brand new look for the month. But it still looks the same except that my hair is much longer now than before. I painted my nails bloody red too. Sometimes I'd just go for the nude colors and sometimes it'd be the very striky red color. I wanted to try brick red too, its more unique.

I am currently having a hard time deciding the place for my bday party. I've checked dempsey hill. Its pretty good but I still do not know if they host private parties. I really like PS cafe. Homeclub, it'd be too late I guess. They've booked that day. And my dad's yacht. Its going through some 'renovations' now and it cant be used for like 3 or 4 months. :( Hosting a party at my home would be a recipe for disaster cos when things got out of control, the whole 1st storey would be flooded and my room would be like in a mess the next day. A friend suggested OOSH @ dempsey. I think thats where jo previously worked. Ugrh. I dont knowwwww.

So tomorrow I must head to town, get bernie's transaction done, get some books from library@orchard and borders or kino, ask mom to bring me to dempsey hill for party info and head to PS cafe for some good foods. Oh, and I really need to get myself some flipflops/slippers/sandals/havianas/flats or whatnot. The heels are killing me.

This morning I had a dream that everyone close to me completely abandoned me and destroyed everything that ever meant anything to me. Everything in my room was ripped down and torn up and everyone just kept telling me how much they hated me. The ironic thing is that the people in this dream were people I know would never do that to me. At least I hope not.
What an awful feeling to wake up with.

I dont feel good today. I really cant say why, I just feel mentally drained. Like I'm tired of this every day shit. I dont think my life is mundane or ordinary at all, but no matter how crazy it could possibly be, after a while it just gets old. I dont want to seem unappreciative. I really appreciate everything i have. Just some days, its hard not to get down about stuff.

So basically today I've been at home stuffing myself with lots of grapes, and some organic tea. My mom actually made herbal tea for the day and that was the first time I actually kind of like it because for most of the time I really dont. She just had to made me drink it all up while shes looking. Its really annoying.

And yeah, the weather has been killing me these days. Probably not the morning but when it comes to the afternoon, like around 12 to 5, I'll be in my room with the temperature 16 DC and enjoying. Seriously its freaking hot out there and I cant afford to have another tan cause I've been spending my money almost on all the SPF or sunscreen products now to maintain it. I hate the sun. I love cold weathers. Especially in the morning or at night, after a rain, I usually go out for walks or if I'm lazy, I'll sit by the garden bench, reading a book, writing things down, and enjoying the peacefulness. Thats literally the extent of it. Oh, and the lightly salt chips from the mart. Love those.

Mom suggested that I should go gymming tomorrow after all these while being an emo stoner. Yeah, why not. I miss the steam room though. But thats if shes willing to drive me all the way there and wait for me, probably get our lunch done, and go shopping for awhile (i need to get some novels and tops for good). How nice would it be for a thursay huh?

I'm getting this book at borders soon. Its good. For, me, at least. Bye.

I dont want to update a lot but I feel a lot like doing it since im listening to aint no reason by brett dennen on repeat. Again.

I think I have a problem with patience. I think I expect things to either start perfect or they never will be. But I dont believe thats how things are. They arent that way. I think things come into focus the closer they get. I just expect everything to either always immediately make sense or never make sense. I need patience. : (

My maid found a dead bird next to a tree today and I touched it and its body was still warm so apparently it just died, and it was still very flexible and not hard at all. It made me really sad, for some reason. I cant forget about it, really. I dont know why. I put it back in the tree because I know they were dogs around and I didnt want them to eat it.

I hope tomorrow's better than today.

I cant sleep lately. I cant go to sleep when I want to and I cant sleep as late as I'd like. It's because I'm stressed about nothing at all. I just lay in bed and think about everything in my life. Mostly the bad stuff. And I always say you cant focus on only the bad but thats what my brain tends to do the most. But its like I have something in my eye. If something bad is there, I focus on it until its gone. Maybe I need new tactics but I dont think I can help this. As much as I say people who only want to see the good in life have skewed views, so do people who only see the bad. Isnt there any middle ground? I just dont take my advice at all.

It really shocked me when my brother came to me a few days back and told me that he wanted to take up guitar lessons after his exams. I used to think that hes always lifeless and computer just completes him. But I realised that my once-a-lifeless brother has more future plans than I do. And its really sad because I used to think that I wanted to do many many things after MDIS and now I'm in a really bad state. Like, wrecked, really. My mom once said to me during the post-o level period that I was living a stupid life. I think I am now. During that time even I was in a state as bad as the current one, I tried to get myself into bed before 3am. But now its already 4am and I'm still thinking of nothing. I always say this to myself that I am recuperating, once after a really really stressful period. But this recuperation now has been rather depressing and its going to be worse.

I think I need to think of any and every possible ways to get into UQ asap probably by jan/feb 08 and then I can study again. MDIS really screwed my life up. Come to think of it, I should just went straight to either the states or aussie immediately after my o levels for the foundation year of the university. I just hate it now. Ugh. But I have one plan though. Or two. Either to get a job now or later, or to start foundation year the next term. Still pondering between the two.

Truth to be told, I really hope that dad could allow me to use his yacht for my 18th. It might not be as big as a cruise but at least I could like call a couple of my close friends and spend a night on sea. It'd great. If not, it'll be a small party at demsey hill. I'm gonna ask mom to drive me there and take a look first before I decide.

0421. I need to sleep. Bye.

"And I wanted to be all you need, somehow here is gone" Matt together with The Salts did an acoustic cover version of Goo goo dolls' Here is Gone. It has been playing repeatedly for 3 hours straight and still not sick of it. Matt has the sweetest voice I've ever heard.

Anyway, its 1154 now and 6 minutes to tuesday. Melvin and I were having this conversation about some random facts.

I think he just irritates the shit out of me. Makes me more... troubled. Ughh.

So basically I spent the whole afternoon in the car with mom and a directory in hand. I told her to drive us to town. She didnt want. So I led her to Queensway then told her to turn right to holland road. She refused. So when reached somewhere near my school, she said she wanted to go to commonwealth drive to look for that standard chartered bank. I directed her. And I suggested going to holland village for dinner. She refused. So the stubborn mom ended up getting lost at buona vista road and pleaded for my help cos I kept quiet and refused to direct her unless she wants to go to holland v. How cute huh. I gave in to her and told her to make a U-turn right up but then we ended up in a stupid jam along braddell road and she kept stepping the brake and I almost puked my lunch. And thats was how I wasted my afternoon time. I'm gonna force her to take me to orchard blvd next time haw haw!

I've been spending a lot of my free time practicing a new classical piano piece I heard on the radio called Barcarolle. Its Tchaivosky's so its not really tough but its really sentimental. And I broke a nail. : (

This week will be eventful cause I'm packed the whole week!

Tomorrow will be good cause I'll be meeting up with wendy. Shes going for some job interview at raffles place and after that I wna try out the Gloria Jeans' Coffee there so, cant wait cant wait! And I might be going over to matt's place on friday evening for movie! : D

After an hour. Still listening to Here is Gone. Bye.

XOXOXO

Since jolene is tooooooooooo lazy to resend me the pictures and I couldnt open the fucking RAR file, I cant do anything about it but just post nothing.

PERIOD.

Okay so you know what its like when you do something you know you shouldn't do cause its, well not wrong, just, bad, really bad, but still you do it cause nothing else is really working and the bad way's the quickest and  fastest (yeah I know, it always is) way but anyway so you do it once, (out of curiosity) twice, (wondering if it really works) then three times, (and by the third time, you KNOW it works) and soon you do it regularly. (Cause it works! Just feeling wonderful on the outside but horrible on the inside. The little voice at the back of your head is shouting out "Stop doing it! You're killing yourself you idiot!") and you know its bad but you ignore that voice and keep doing it and it turns from an obsession into an addiction. Thennnn, what should I doooo?  Hmm, I'm just thinking about that. Nothing is happening to me. I'm bored.

Its wednesday. Wed-nes-day. Ummmm, why wed-nes? Like, "wet-ness" day? Not wet at all. Anyway, the weekend was sweet, or rather eventful (well except some part of it. The first part I mean). So friday night I spent my time mugging up with my cousin. No wait. Only like for 2 hours. The rest of it I was studying by myself. He was late. Very late. I told him I'll be reaching around 3ish. But he came at 7pm. How cute. I barely studied the whole organic chemistry chapter. Its boring. And I hate stereochemistry. Oh well, at least I memorized some equations/formulae.

Then saturday. Yes. Exam on saturday. Chemistry. Rare I know. I woke up late and actually took a cab down to school. (I've been taking cabs since the first paper. I've been wasting my money on cab fares. Dammit.) And found out that the exam venue stated on the latest updated schedule was peopleless. I was annoyed. No. Very annoyed/worried/irritated. Then I checked out the old schedule and went to the lecture room. I see people. Familiar people. My classmates. Yes, finally. The management is so screwed. For already like, 41 years. So stupid. Thank god I brought my old/new schedules you doofusss.

And yeah, I managed to complete the MCB assay which was dued on thursday. I dont care if i got penalized. No more MDIS for me now. YAY!

Saturday evening was great. Dead silence was pretty scaryyyyyy but the last part turned out bad bad bad. Matt was like "So, Mary Shaw is the stepmother?" It was so irritating. So whos the stepmother? Mary Shaw herself?  The ghost of Mary Shaw?  Mary Shaw's friend? Mary Shaw's dummy? Whatever. Ugh. Andddddd, the cathay was freakinggggg colddddd! I was like fidgeting very much like hell during the show cause its way too FREEZING! Sheesh. And so we were suppose to have dinner after the show but after stuffing myself with sweet popcorns I actually didnt really feel like eating but Matt didnt have his lunch so he had to have his dinner but we just couldnt make up our minds what to have for dinner so we walked around the whole mall of the cathay and PS and then we met charmaine and syahmi! Okay, thats a long sentence. Nvm. (oh and did I mention that darling charmaine applied her makeup in the library? How cute.) HAHAHAH. So yeah, finally we chose to go to starbucks for a drink but theres no seats for us so I bought a bottle of limejuice and matt took his FOC fullcream milk and then we went out, just outside starbucks and sat there for like an hour or two I couldnt remember. But I did remember we talked about what am I going to do after MDIS.

Yes yes yes yes yes. I've finally decided where to go. Australia. HARHAR. Its my only choice cause I didnt want to continue on with MDIS Uni of bradford. My hopes of going to NTU or NUS died on me when matt told me its really hard to get in. I checked out Uni of Queensland and its not so bad afterall. So I am applying for that. Majoring in either Anatomical Sciences or Biomedical Sciences (since I have the foundation of it already so why not) Date its still not yet confirmed.

Thennnnn Sunday. I thought a typical sunday should be a quiet-and-peaceful-stay-in-and-recuperate day. But mom and I actually dropped by town after a visit to granny's place. I love town dutring sundays. Its not crowded at all. : D And yea, I went to artfriend and got a few small canvas and some art materials. (Told you I'm serious about painting. I'm already half way done by now.) Andddd then, the mother-daughter shopping!!! Or so. Cause I was the one who did the shopping and mom who did the mocking. HAHA. I need to stop this. I'm broke for the month.

Monday I did nothing. Just painted. Plus tutoring my bro. He is always so annoying.

Yesterday was the fun and exciting day. MOM DROVE ME TO THOMSON PLAZA! Wasnt it great to hear? She drives now! (though actually she got stucked while turning off to the main road and panicked when she saw the other 3 cars at the back waiting and a police car at the side staring and road passers looking and she didnt know what to do so I calmed her down and told her to think slowly and dont care about her surroundings and get us out) She is the cutest mom ever! So no more cab fares for me now yay! Oh, and I rented a couple of DVDs from Thomson Plaza. Bored bored bored.

The evening was good! HAHAH. Its like crazy bunch of people. The guys were wild. We had lots of fun but the food was pathetic and I couldnt believe that I paid 25bucks just for chic wings, hotdogs and satay. Tsk tsk. Totally.

(Scene 1) Guys playing twisters. And I thought it was so gay. Look at chris! (Scene 2) Mooo's always in the same position. Look wheres Yoshi's hand! Oh nonoooo. (Scene 3) On the left, Mooo's butt. Right, poor chris.

And I have a vid of it too. Chris' head under Moo's "ahem". Too erotic, M18. Wont upload it. :D

As for today. I met wendy for shopping and dinner at bugis. Its really been a long time since we've hung out. Totally miss her and others like hell. Okay. I was late for an hour. Sorry wendy. I think you're already getting used to it. : D HAHAH. Actually I kinda like the starbucks oppisite the mall. Its peopleless. Quiet and peaceful. And whats more better than a clean washroom!?! Hahah. I should study there in future. (if...)

Talk about friends. Just now. I was really depressed. I miss my classmates from high school. I miss jolene. I miss SJ. I miss wendy. I miss bell. I miss wanting. I miss the guys. Ugh.

I cant wait to get out of MDIS and SG and study in Australia. I'm sick of you. Sick of all these things. I dont want anything except my darlings and family.

Tomorrow. Another day. I paint. Bye for now.

Hello hello peaches hows everyone been doing? Exams and stuffs have kept me busy busy busy all these while. You'll find me either out to the library to study or home-study on weekdays & some of the weekends. Or shopping and night outs mostly on the weekends. (yes, I'm not really THAT hardworking)

Oh and and and. Just recently I've heard shocking news about a student from my high school passed away after being knocked down by a SBS Transit Bus. Apparently from what I've heard from my mom was that the bus actually ran over him (or she might be a lil too over it) and yeah, he died, instantly. I wasnt sure about it until the next morning when I asked my brother and he told me all that I heard was true. Very traumatizing. Do drop the late Gabriel Goh a comment. Hes a really nice guy. http://profiles.friendster.com/wsgoh Rest in peace, Gabriel.

Molecular Cell Biology on friday was alright. Apparently I was already 20 mins late for the paper but yea, still manage to complete all. The night at wala wala was horrible. Dont asked. The title says it all. And no pics.

Its very very very irritating that most of my girlfriends have already watched the recent horror flicks showing right now you know. Okay I'm talking about Dead Silence. Since I'm a huge fan of horror, the gfs told me to catch it asap. They thought its really scaryyyyy. Whatever. I've found matt to watch it with me next weekend! And licence to wed. MOVIE MARATHON- to celebrate his ATEC. Dont know what the hell is that.

I'm a lil lost in Bioinfo now. No. Completely. I gave up on that. Now I'm working hard on Physiology. Till then!

Yesterday afternoon my project coordinator rang me up with regards to the physics exam issue which I actually 'planned' to ignore, and asked me to write in a letter stating the reasons for my absence for anatomy/physiology I and physics II. So I actually wrote a long, really long letter full of made-up stories... excuses... like sick and stuffs and emailed to her asap and then just now I found out that I'm not barred from physics exams anymore. I am a genius. Period.

Okay I went to school early today. Not that I'm so hardworking but I didnt really check the timing for the exam so I presumed it'd be at 9. And I thought I was going to be late cos I couldnt find the lecture room and then I ran around block E just to find out that the room was 'people-less'. Then, I checked my schedule. Really like scanning through every single class/date/day/subject and yea, I realised the exam would be starting at 10. I was extremely annoyed but I just thought that I should sit down somewhere and read through physics.

Think about stupid blonde paris hilton realise how stupid she was and decided to head to the library to read instead of the mall to shop for more that-so-hot stuffs. Okay no, I'm not that rich. No wait. Shes broke now cos her grand dad decided to transfer all her inheritance to some charities after she went to jail har har. How shocking. So anyway, it was the first time I actually went to the library that early to study. It was super quiet and ghostly and it looked like this:

People-less. And yea, I was the super woman today who studied physics in the early morning in the library. I'm so proud of myself

Both the paper were quite alright except a few from physics which I didnt really care so I left it blank. So two down, four to go and I'm free! YAY.

Friday. Molecular Cell Biology. Yes. Sounds very cool But its super complicated. Okay. Cant wait for friday. Not MCB. (for those of you who knows what I'm talking about )

Monday's pics. I had pastamania again!

Time to study study study.

Sunday was suppose to be a typically quiet stay-at-home-to-study day not until Matt asked me to wala wala to watch his friend play. So now, the weekends are most probably to be hanging out with these usual bunch of blokes. It was good cos we all have the same interest- music. Okay basically, I'm screwed. I was suppose to study but I went out late night for wala wala and I have exams this wed and fri and I've only touched on Molecular Cell Biology and oh, did I mentioned that SSU emailed me a letter saying that I'm barred from physics exam cos I have less than 90% of the attendence ( why? i hate the lecturer thats all) so yeah, screwed. No. Screw' em.

Talk about the recent sunday night. Which I meant, yesterday in particular. Supposedly I called jols along, and she called SJ along too. (was thinking that sj might not be interested in these kinda stuffs eh. besides... its freaking far @ holland v!!!!!!!!!!!!!) But yay to the both of them cos I freakinnnn miss them sooo much! :D So yeah, we met matt and syahms @ wala wala there and actually missed the first half of the show cos we were very late har har. At least I caught the second half and the singer was superb lah. Shes one sweet girl. (: Jolene & SJ enjoyed alot I could see that and Syahms was happy that they're not like cheryl. Okay. Whooops.

Anyway, we took pics. Dark pics. Very.

Okay. So today is someones birthday. No he didnt bug me to post this up. I wanted to.

HAPPY 16TH BIRTHDAY ALOYSIUS CHEA! & NO SMOKINGGGG!

Okay. But hes bugging me to buy him his present from NUM. Typical boyish store. Toooooo typical. Hahahahahahhaahhah! So I'll be meeting him later with my brother in town after I settle the Bioinformatics Practical at SSU. Once again, I'm screwed.